This is a very well known concept: anything that is worth it requires work. A relationship with Jesus, marriage, family, a cozy home, a nice body, financial security. Did I list my priorities just now? You better believe I went back and added that first one onto the list. At any rate, are humans the only entity in the universe that lose motivation and crumble and decay? And the mass suicide of lemmings does not count since it's a misconception of their migratory behavior (just looked it up). Even if it wasn't, active suicide seems more motivational than passive decay.
I am sure somewhere in nature, there is an example of lack of motivation. However, the problem specifically lies in me and I need help cultivating motivation. Okay, now I've lost motivation to even complete this entry! I realize the work that is required for above mentioned list is gainful/rewarding/giving a return. Is it because I am unable to get a taste or see a glimpse of the result? Is that reality to first be able to taste and see before conjuring up the motivation to reach the goal? Were we supposed to have tasted/seen a glimpse of heaven to know that we have something wonderful to look forward to? I must have missed the presentation on that. Or another loony idea is that we have to trust in the potential - believe in the unseen/intangible product of our work to motivate us. What an unsavory negative attitude I have, it's admittedly sickening.
Sure, the journey is what's important, not the end result...but again it's the motivation to continue the journey that is floundering. I feel dim. When instead I wish to "shine bright like a diamond" LOL. The end.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
April 11, 2013
October 1, 2010
October
The long months of waiting are finally over! I am employed! Hallelujah! I will be working on the Neuro stepdown unit at The Medical Center of Plano beginning October 18. What a blessing! And what more, the hospital is only 10 minutes away from my house! I'm overjoyed and thankful to all the supportive people who have lifted their prayers for me. God's timing is so utterly perfect that it knocks the wind right out of me.
My parents are in town now, which has been most pleasant. They will be preparing to leave for Indonesia as soon as their visas come in from the Indonesian Embassy in Washington D.C. One aspect I'm especially happy about is that my mom has been cooking for us.
October is Danish's favorite month. Not only is his birthday coming up on the 12th, but the cool weather brings much relief from the Texas heat, there's football, bustling activity, I'll be working, Halloween, and lots of outdoor activities - bike rides, frisbee, dog parks, long walks! Just two weeks ago, I was mournful of summer leaving...I had been listening to songs which I felt captured the sadness and loneliness one may feel as the remnants of a golden summer slip away, only to turn into a forlorn fall. I still had faith that God would provide and things would be alright even if I didn't have a job. But my, my what a refreshing change it is to no longer feel the anxiety of inevitable change and involuntary forward motion that fall usually brings. I know, I'm quite dramatic.
My parents are in town now, which has been most pleasant. They will be preparing to leave for Indonesia as soon as their visas come in from the Indonesian Embassy in Washington D.C. One aspect I'm especially happy about is that my mom has been cooking for us.
October is Danish's favorite month. Not only is his birthday coming up on the 12th, but the cool weather brings much relief from the Texas heat, there's football, bustling activity, I'll be working, Halloween, and lots of outdoor activities - bike rides, frisbee, dog parks, long walks! Just two weeks ago, I was mournful of summer leaving...I had been listening to songs which I felt captured the sadness and loneliness one may feel as the remnants of a golden summer slip away, only to turn into a forlorn fall. I still had faith that God would provide and things would be alright even if I didn't have a job. But my, my what a refreshing change it is to no longer feel the anxiety of inevitable change and involuntary forward motion that fall usually brings. I know, I'm quite dramatic.
July 30, 2010
Garlic
Isn't garlic good for your heart? I'm having a bowl of crock pot chicken stew at the moment, and somewhat procrastinating on the call-backs I have to make for all the voice mails I've reached this week. Drag!
I went to happy hour last night with the girls to celebrate Meagan's homecoming from the Phillipines. I'm impressed at the way she has changed - her perspective of Southeast Asia. She originally had her reservations in taking the position at her job because she knew she would be leaving behind all the luxuries and conveniences of the good ol' US. One thing I was pleased to hear was of her getting used to eating healthier there and having difficulty adjusting to the processed foods here; she had a few negative things to say about the quality of food in the Phillipines, and rightly so because the sanitation is atrocious. I'm happy that she has gained some cultural awareness and is enjoying her time there. Apparently next year she may be traveling to Australia and London, which she excitedly talked about last night.
Speaking of Southeast Asia, my parents are wrapping up their first week of training in Richmond, Virginia. They are one of about 5 other couples who have grown children as opposed to little ones, and my mom wrote and said there were as many as 20 kiddos running around over there! So far I'm very excited for them and I haven't begun to miss them too much. I know they are in God's hands - the best hands you can be in! I can't wait to be able to send them care packages when they are in Indonesia. I remember so vividly when we were younger and would squeal with delight as we opened up the care packages sent to us by the thoughtful people at IMB - American candy, hot chocolate mixes, movies, and a card that said we were in their prayers...so sweet!
Tonight, Danish and I are Fort Worth bound. Hank very kindly paid for a hotel room for us to be there for the rehearsal dinner tonight and groom's brunch tomorrow! How awesome is that? It's coming to look like their wedding is definitely costing them a pretty penny! I'm sure it will be beautiful! Here is a picture of Danish and Hank, who was a groomsman at our wedding:
I'll post just a couple of pictures of our newly arranged house, too. I wish we had remembered to take 'before' pictures to compare how much space we've created. Just imagine things looking 10 times more cluttered than this:
Master bedroom 
Sister's bedroom 
Hallway from the entrance 
Dad's "cave", now a second living room 
Living room
I need to get back to work if I'm going to have any time to head over to the apartment to clean before turning in the key. I think the chicken stew may have had one too many cloves of garlic...
I went to happy hour last night with the girls to celebrate Meagan's homecoming from the Phillipines. I'm impressed at the way she has changed - her perspective of Southeast Asia. She originally had her reservations in taking the position at her job because she knew she would be leaving behind all the luxuries and conveniences of the good ol' US. One thing I was pleased to hear was of her getting used to eating healthier there and having difficulty adjusting to the processed foods here; she had a few negative things to say about the quality of food in the Phillipines, and rightly so because the sanitation is atrocious. I'm happy that she has gained some cultural awareness and is enjoying her time there. Apparently next year she may be traveling to Australia and London, which she excitedly talked about last night.
Speaking of Southeast Asia, my parents are wrapping up their first week of training in Richmond, Virginia. They are one of about 5 other couples who have grown children as opposed to little ones, and my mom wrote and said there were as many as 20 kiddos running around over there! So far I'm very excited for them and I haven't begun to miss them too much. I know they are in God's hands - the best hands you can be in! I can't wait to be able to send them care packages when they are in Indonesia. I remember so vividly when we were younger and would squeal with delight as we opened up the care packages sent to us by the thoughtful people at IMB - American candy, hot chocolate mixes, movies, and a card that said we were in their prayers...so sweet!
Tonight, Danish and I are Fort Worth bound. Hank very kindly paid for a hotel room for us to be there for the rehearsal dinner tonight and groom's brunch tomorrow! How awesome is that? It's coming to look like their wedding is definitely costing them a pretty penny! I'm sure it will be beautiful! Here is a picture of Danish and Hank, who was a groomsman at our wedding:
I'll post just a couple of pictures of our newly arranged house, too. I wish we had remembered to take 'before' pictures to compare how much space we've created. Just imagine things looking 10 times more cluttered than this:
I need to get back to work if I'm going to have any time to head over to the apartment to clean before turning in the key. I think the chicken stew may have had one too many cloves of garlic...
June 24, 2010
Señor Feo
Lately, I've been having so much time on my hands. Yet, it still hasn't prompted me to write more, oh well. I finally finished writing my resume (all one page of it) and am having a few folks proof-read it for me. Next up, cover letter then applying for a job. I have to admit I'm terrified as I've never had a real job before. I mean tutoring is a job, but it hasn't always felt legit or anything.
Today is my mom's birthday! I'm taking the family out to an early dinner at Brio, which has a food happy hour between 4-7pm and the food is sooo good and only $2.95 per plate. We're also combining her birthday with the celebration of Father's Day, which I spent with the in-laws. This will be yet another great opportunity to spend time with my parents before they leave and I'm very much looking forward to it. Next shindig, 4th of July cookout!
Danish has been bombarded with tragic events at work involving the residents at the homeless shelter, and it's taken more of a toll on him than usual. He would try to tell me what it's been like recently, but I can sense how difficult it is for him to relay his emotions as he had experienced them when the events occurred. I feel horrible for the people who are less fortunate than we are - we don't have much, but it's so much compared to them and I am compelled to be utterly thankful to God everyday. This also brings me to acknowledge the hard work Danish puts forth everyday to help others as well as support us. I think I need to try harder to remember that even when it's gets lonely and I feel neglected. I couldn't do his job nor meet the expectations of a man; girls have it easier in life, I think...at least I do compared to others. Most of my problems are a result of my own actions/inactions and originate from my head rather than outside circumstances.
Speaking of heads, I finally got a haircut! It's been 6 months. My new hair dresser isn't as talented as Rachel, but I can't complain too much since it only costed me $25. However, I did do something stupid once I came home. I looked in the mirror and thought my bangs looked uneven, so I CUT it! They weren't uneven. "It'll grow!" my sister consoled. Yes, it'll grow...unevenly.
Today is my mom's birthday! I'm taking the family out to an early dinner at Brio, which has a food happy hour between 4-7pm and the food is sooo good and only $2.95 per plate. We're also combining her birthday with the celebration of Father's Day, which I spent with the in-laws. This will be yet another great opportunity to spend time with my parents before they leave and I'm very much looking forward to it. Next shindig, 4th of July cookout!
Danish has been bombarded with tragic events at work involving the residents at the homeless shelter, and it's taken more of a toll on him than usual. He would try to tell me what it's been like recently, but I can sense how difficult it is for him to relay his emotions as he had experienced them when the events occurred. I feel horrible for the people who are less fortunate than we are - we don't have much, but it's so much compared to them and I am compelled to be utterly thankful to God everyday. This also brings me to acknowledge the hard work Danish puts forth everyday to help others as well as support us. I think I need to try harder to remember that even when it's gets lonely and I feel neglected. I couldn't do his job nor meet the expectations of a man; girls have it easier in life, I think...at least I do compared to others. Most of my problems are a result of my own actions/inactions and originate from my head rather than outside circumstances.
Speaking of heads, I finally got a haircut! It's been 6 months. My new hair dresser isn't as talented as Rachel, but I can't complain too much since it only costed me $25. However, I did do something stupid once I came home. I looked in the mirror and thought my bangs looked uneven, so I CUT it! They weren't uneven. "It'll grow!" my sister consoled. Yes, it'll grow...unevenly.
May 24, 2010
Weekend
This past weekend was quite eventful. Friday, we went over to Nate and Meg's house for dinner and met one of Nate's friends and his girlfriend. The conversations were funny, the food was delicious (BBQ and veggies), and the night ended fairly late - which is always a good thing. I think I may have mentioned before about Nate and Meg moving far away for a job he was going to take, but they ended up not going. I'm sad but happy because I really cherish our friendship with them. Like us, they are also a newly married couple with a heart for God and I get along with both of them so well! It's always nice to be able to have running inside jokes and to have the openness to share prayer requests with one another.
Saturday, Danish's parents moved into their new house off Midway so they needed our help in moving some things from the old house to the new house. We first met with them at Little Gus Cafe for brunch. I had the Eggs Benedict and Danish had his usual French toast. The house is HUGE...and beautiful. I'm so happy for them as they have been waiting to close for so long but their old house had been on the market for about 4 months. After two car trips of bringing things over, we called it a day and Mom opened up a bottle of Port and we chatted about the 'grandchildren' coming over and spending the night.
That evening, we went over to Jake and Nicole's place for game night. We had BBQ and veggies again - so good. Danish and I made a beer run and also grabbed a bottle of spiced rum for Jake. I also gave away my half bottle of Parrot Bay coconut rum which I hate, and it felt good to get rid of it. Brian, Danish's brother, also came. Kevin and Christen, another couple from church, were there and also one of Nicole's friends, Tatiyana. Tatiyana is Russian and I was pleased to find out she lived in South Korea for a few years and we had conversation about growing up as an International kid. Later, Judy came over distressed from having a fight with her boyfriend. I could tell she just wanted to get her mind off of the situation but couldn't bring herself to enjoy the company or get into the games (we were playing Charades by the time she came). It saddens and angers me when my friends are struggling in their relationships - especially when I see them being treated so unfairly. And to top it off, this guy claims to be a Christian but clearly acts like a hypocrite. I think it definitely puts a blunder on her relationship with God and that sucks.
Sunday, we had a great Bible study lesson led by Kyle as Brad was out of pocket, having gone to his son's wedding the night before. From the sounds of it, the wedding was a success which is a true blessing since the bride was seriously ill and had been released from the hospital only a few days before the wedding. The Bible study was great because Kyle, who was just wrapping up with the Crown Financial Ministries studies, was generous enough to share with our group some of the things he had learned. The topic we chose as a group was 'work' and what the Bible says about it. Apparently God intended for man to work, and work was not a punishment for sin! Work was intended to be purposeful and satisfying, but sin caused man to toil and labor arduously for food. I found it interesting that God grants skills, abilities, and expertise as opposed to us acquiring it through many years of experience, and He also determines who will prosper and who will not so we cannot boast of our successes. The final lesson that came in on a tangent was the matter of efficiency; God expects us to work hard, but if there is an easier way to get things done, we ought to learn of those ways so we are free to use our time in other ways to bring glory to God. Kyle used the example of a nail gun vs. a hammer. The lesson was refreshing as I am in the midst of looking for a job...while dreading the prospect of working. I've never had a real job before and my work ethic is pathetic. However, I was reminded through the lesson that we are to work for the Lord, not for men. That surprisingly takes away the burden and apprehension of work...but it won't stop me from fervently praying that God does bless me with a job in which I do feel joy and satisfaction, not torture and despair. Work...oh, work...
Saturday, Danish's parents moved into their new house off Midway so they needed our help in moving some things from the old house to the new house. We first met with them at Little Gus Cafe for brunch. I had the Eggs Benedict and Danish had his usual French toast. The house is HUGE...and beautiful. I'm so happy for them as they have been waiting to close for so long but their old house had been on the market for about 4 months. After two car trips of bringing things over, we called it a day and Mom opened up a bottle of Port and we chatted about the 'grandchildren' coming over and spending the night.
That evening, we went over to Jake and Nicole's place for game night. We had BBQ and veggies again - so good. Danish and I made a beer run and also grabbed a bottle of spiced rum for Jake. I also gave away my half bottle of Parrot Bay coconut rum which I hate, and it felt good to get rid of it. Brian, Danish's brother, also came. Kevin and Christen, another couple from church, were there and also one of Nicole's friends, Tatiyana. Tatiyana is Russian and I was pleased to find out she lived in South Korea for a few years and we had conversation about growing up as an International kid. Later, Judy came over distressed from having a fight with her boyfriend. I could tell she just wanted to get her mind off of the situation but couldn't bring herself to enjoy the company or get into the games (we were playing Charades by the time she came). It saddens and angers me when my friends are struggling in their relationships - especially when I see them being treated so unfairly. And to top it off, this guy claims to be a Christian but clearly acts like a hypocrite. I think it definitely puts a blunder on her relationship with God and that sucks.
Sunday, we had a great Bible study lesson led by Kyle as Brad was out of pocket, having gone to his son's wedding the night before. From the sounds of it, the wedding was a success which is a true blessing since the bride was seriously ill and had been released from the hospital only a few days before the wedding. The Bible study was great because Kyle, who was just wrapping up with the Crown Financial Ministries studies, was generous enough to share with our group some of the things he had learned. The topic we chose as a group was 'work' and what the Bible says about it. Apparently God intended for man to work, and work was not a punishment for sin! Work was intended to be purposeful and satisfying, but sin caused man to toil and labor arduously for food. I found it interesting that God grants skills, abilities, and expertise as opposed to us acquiring it through many years of experience, and He also determines who will prosper and who will not so we cannot boast of our successes. The final lesson that came in on a tangent was the matter of efficiency; God expects us to work hard, but if there is an easier way to get things done, we ought to learn of those ways so we are free to use our time in other ways to bring glory to God. Kyle used the example of a nail gun vs. a hammer. The lesson was refreshing as I am in the midst of looking for a job...while dreading the prospect of working. I've never had a real job before and my work ethic is pathetic. However, I was reminded through the lesson that we are to work for the Lord, not for men. That surprisingly takes away the burden and apprehension of work...but it won't stop me from fervently praying that God does bless me with a job in which I do feel joy and satisfaction, not torture and despair. Work...oh, work...
May 17, 2010
April 4, 2010
Easter Sunday
This just in, after finishing my tuna sandwich for lunch I was excited about the Cap'n Crunch cereal box I saw in the pantry. Cereal is a such a delicious treat in the middle of the day. I was crestfallen when I saw that it was Peanut Butter Crunch, not original. Peanut butter sucks! It didn't help that Danish laughed at my misery.
Today, we went to two services, one at our church with my family and one at Christ United Methodist Church with Danish's family. His brother is finally home after having some issues with Bianca. I haven't said much about that situation, but just know that it's ridiculous and I'm very much opposed to it. I'm relieved he's home and we're having dinner over there tonight. It should be a good time.
Yesterday, we drove to Fort Worth and had lunch at Fuzzy's. Originally, we planned on going to the Botanical Garden, but my camera broke. What's the point of going to the gardens if the camera doesn't work? So instead we decided to go to the zoo - sweet idea! My favorite part was the wallabies! They were all curled up into balls and sleeping against the fence, apart from the kangaroos. I think I just like the word 'wallaby' I mean they were sleeping the whole time, as were a lot of the animals. Danish and I still enjoyed ourselves and the weather was so nice.
Afterward, we went to his uncle's house to look at some of the furniture he was giving away since he will be moving to a lakehouse off Joe Poole Lake. We're picking up the furniture in a U-Haul next Saturday and taking it to my parents' house. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this but they're leaving the country on mission, and Danish and I will be occupying the house for a while to save money and eventually buy a house of our own. I feel honored that they're leaving the house for us to take care of and I'm happy to do it. More importantly, I'm glad Danish is excited to live in it and is showing every intention of taking care of and making it 'home.'
Today, we went to two services, one at our church with my family and one at Christ United Methodist Church with Danish's family. His brother is finally home after having some issues with Bianca. I haven't said much about that situation, but just know that it's ridiculous and I'm very much opposed to it. I'm relieved he's home and we're having dinner over there tonight. It should be a good time.
Yesterday, we drove to Fort Worth and had lunch at Fuzzy's. Originally, we planned on going to the Botanical Garden, but my camera broke. What's the point of going to the gardens if the camera doesn't work? So instead we decided to go to the zoo - sweet idea! My favorite part was the wallabies! They were all curled up into balls and sleeping against the fence, apart from the kangaroos. I think I just like the word 'wallaby' I mean they were sleeping the whole time, as were a lot of the animals. Danish and I still enjoyed ourselves and the weather was so nice.
Afterward, we went to his uncle's house to look at some of the furniture he was giving away since he will be moving to a lakehouse off Joe Poole Lake. We're picking up the furniture in a U-Haul next Saturday and taking it to my parents' house. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this but they're leaving the country on mission, and Danish and I will be occupying the house for a while to save money and eventually buy a house of our own. I feel honored that they're leaving the house for us to take care of and I'm happy to do it. More importantly, I'm glad Danish is excited to live in it and is showing every intention of taking care of and making it 'home.'
April 2, 2010
Be joyful always
Regardless of Monday's disappointments, I had a very good week. Tuesday, Julie and I met up with Nate and Megan T. for lunch at Cafe Malaga, a Spanish/Mediterranean restaurant which made my heart melt with it's mouth-watering menu. I had the Spanish Azul Burger and a couple bites of the Bravas Chicken Sandwich. Ridiculous. After filling our little bellies and listening to Nate's hilarious stories, we went and watched Alice in Wonderland. I enjoyed it, but I enjoyed the company and the relaxed mood I was in even more. Afterward, I proceeded to take Julie back home. However, we got stuck in the HOV lane which had the upright poles. I was too chicken to drive over them, knowing it would probably damage my car, so we were forced to drive all the way to Dallas. Since we were already there, I thought we might as well do a little shopping. It was so much fun! Julie and I ate again at McCormick and Schmick's which had a happy hour we couldn't pass up. The day's events were a much needed stress-reliever, and even my losing another tutoring client later that day didn't bother me too much. I sense I'm being protected by these friends and family members in my life that I feel confident that the consistent failures I make don't mark my worth. As long as I don't grow careless or apathetic and continue to put forth my greatest effort, I will be okay! I am beginning to understand the concept of choosing to be joyful...
I received congratulatory flowers from my in-laws for passing the HESI exam. Sadly it was a false alarm and it was embarrassing for me to break the news to them. I find it interesting that I am appreciating them more and more as time passes. I call them 'Mom' and 'Dad' and we say I love you to each other...it's weird, but I like it.
Danish had the day off today which pleased me greatly. Knowing he is getting a little break makes me feel better. He works so hard! We had a yummy lunch, went to guitar center, and rode our bikes to the dog park with Tank. Tonight, we're meeting some friends at McKinney square. Then it's another whole day with him tomorrow! If the weather permits, we may go to the Botanical Garden in Fort Worth.
I received congratulatory flowers from my in-laws for passing the HESI exam. Sadly it was a false alarm and it was embarrassing for me to break the news to them. I find it interesting that I am appreciating them more and more as time passes. I call them 'Mom' and 'Dad' and we say I love you to each other...it's weird, but I like it.
Danish had the day off today which pleased me greatly. Knowing he is getting a little break makes me feel better. He works so hard! We had a yummy lunch, went to guitar center, and rode our bikes to the dog park with Tank. Tonight, we're meeting some friends at McKinney square. Then it's another whole day with him tomorrow! If the weather permits, we may go to the Botanical Garden in Fort Worth.
March 30, 2010
Bee's knees
The much anticipated HESI exam is finally over! Unfortunately, I did not pass. To make it worse, I almost passed. To make it even worse, apparently I have hidden anxieties which interfere with my test taking... and life. To top it off, I walked back to my car with my head down, playing the Charlie Brown tune in my head only to find a parking ticket wedged under the windshield wiper. I had put enough change in the meter for 3 hours, but the test took me 5. Anyway, I'm scheduled to take the second exam April 23, about three weeks from now. Fortunately I've completed all my clinical hours so that gives me ample time and energy to dominate this test. Danielle said some people just have good luck. That may be true, but I won't let luck determine whether I pass or not...I will pass! That's the right attitude, right?
In other news, I have the most supportive family and friends. I am SO blessed to have them in my life! They are a safe haven.
In other news, I have the most supportive family and friends. I am SO blessed to have them in my life! They are a safe haven.
March 25, 2010
Rien ne pèse tant que un secret
I've taken Midol and the caffeine in it is making my heart race. In other news, I hope I pass the HESI this Monday. Now for some random pictures:
January 15, 2010
Just nod if you can hear me
I miss my family. I haven't been able to go home to see them lately and I think it's taking an emotional toll on me. I have also been ignoring God these past few weeks and that is taking a toll on my spiritual health. I feel rotten and expendable...guilty mostly. I know I can make a greater difference if I could just allow myself to be molded. I wish I could point the way to Christ but my life doesn't reflect anything admirable or even desirable. Perhaps my hot new husband...but it could just be that I got really lucky. Danish must feel very fulfilled that his job is to help people everyday. He's so much better than me in so many ways. I'm a shit stain compared to him. I want to change my habits and just be better...Apparently I'm experiencing something called the "Christian burden" which sounds virtuous and noble, but it's the worst kind of angst there is. Anyway, I will try to get some sleep and hope that tomorrow will be different in a good way. I know God is wise and His plans are unfathomable, and somehow I will have a little part in it which will fulfill my purpose here.
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