Motivation

This is a very well known concept: anything that is worth it requires work. A relationship with Jesus, marriage, family, a cozy home, a nice body, financial security. Did I list my priorities just now? You better believe I went back and added that first one onto the list. At any rate, are humans the only entity in the universe that lose motivation and crumble and decay? And the mass suicide of lemmings does not count since it's a misconception of their migratory behavior (just looked it up). Even if it wasn't, active suicide seems more motivational than passive decay.

I am sure somewhere in nature, there is an example of lack of motivation. However, the problem specifically lies in me and I need help cultivating motivation. Okay, now I've lost motivation to even complete this entry! I realize the work that is required for above mentioned list is gainful/rewarding/giving a return. Is it because I am unable to get a taste or see a glimpse of the result? Is that reality to first be able to taste and see before conjuring up the motivation to reach the goal? Were we supposed to have tasted/seen a glimpse of heaven to know that we have something wonderful to look forward to? I must have missed the presentation on that. Or another loony idea is that we have to trust in the potential - believe in the unseen/intangible product of our work to motivate us. What an unsavory negative attitude I have, it's admittedly sickening.

Sure, the journey is what's important, not the end result...but again it's the motivation to continue the journey that is floundering. I feel dim. When instead I wish to "shine bright like a diamond" LOL. The end.

Test

I've been slacking in my writing. I think I ought to write more...even when I don't have to desire to. The lack of desire stems from the fear of sounding inarticulate and retarded because I can't seem to find the perfect, eloquent words to describe my thoughts and feelings. A legitimate fear for a writer, I think, but nevertheless I should write. For the sake of writing. For the sake of hobbies/interests/anything that could add substance to my person.

I have recently become open to the prospect of moving out of Texas. This in itself was a journey I will write about another time. I was hopeful that once I opened myself up, God will immediately open a door for us and we would be on our merry way to happily ever after. Yet we are still in the here, nothing has changed. Not even a puff of wind to turn a single leaf. I'm not distressed by any means, but I may be slightly disheartened. I know God is working even when we don't see anything happen with our naked eye. I know He is moving His hand over us and all those connected to us to unfold an outcome that will display His sovereignty. I know He is wise and can skillfully place each piece of our Rubik's cube lives in the exact place He wills in order for His glory to be shown. Why would I try and get in the way of that?

Because I'm impatient and a control freak. I'm fearful that this could be forever, that we won't get to have a happily ever. I'm being facetious about "happily ever" but to be honest I would be happy if we could just move out of my parents' home and into a home of our own. Then there are those connected to us - my parents, my younger brother...whichever direction our Rubik's cube piece moves, their pieces will move as well...and only God knows and will place them in the right place. This is the reason we are in a waiting period...His hand IS moving even though we cannot see it.

I think what I'm doing is called having faith...at least that is what I've learned so far in life. At least that is how I'm coping with this. I've opened myself up to moving, now if I could open myself up to praying that as we wait for The Lord He will supply us with joy. Because whatever the outcome is with this situation, His glory will shine. Praise God. I want so much to share in that joy.