I may or may not have a drinking problem.
January 30, 2010
January 28, 2010
Low expectations
It turned out I had a lot of free time yesterday evening since I didn't tutor Isaac. I was in the middle of cooking a ravioli dinner hours before Danish would have gotten home when Loni called me in tears. She kicked her cheating boyfriend out of her house and needed some emotional support. I left the kitchen a complete mess, grabbed some work clothes for Danish (as I anticipated we would spend the night), and drove to McKinney with a half bottle of vodka stowed away in the backseat.
Giving advice is not my forte, and I try to stay away from it. BUT sometimes I am compelled to offer my two cents in hopes to bring realization to these suffering girls! It seems expectations are low (if they exist at all) and these random losers come out of God knows where, effortlessly make their way into the lives of my amazing friends, treat them like garbage, and leave them with broken hearts. GAH!!!
Of course I didn't get a wink of sleep, so today my hangover is intensified by the cloud of thoughts and concerns I have for my friends. I wish I knew how to help them, but they don't want to listen to me because I'm already happily married so what would I know.
Giving advice is not my forte, and I try to stay away from it. BUT sometimes I am compelled to offer my two cents in hopes to bring realization to these suffering girls! It seems expectations are low (if they exist at all) and these random losers come out of God knows where, effortlessly make their way into the lives of my amazing friends, treat them like garbage, and leave them with broken hearts. GAH!!!
Of course I didn't get a wink of sleep, so today my hangover is intensified by the cloud of thoughts and concerns I have for my friends. I wish I knew how to help them, but they don't want to listen to me because I'm already happily married so what would I know.
January 27, 2010
Yoke
Hi, how are you Blog? This semester has started off as rough and bumpy as it ended last year. As much as I hate "taking care of business" I know it has to be done. What's discouraging is that a lot of it requires patience as it can't be accomplished instantaneously. I feel burdened. I wonder what it would feel like to lose a ton of weight...like on those billboards and magazine advertisements where some fatty loses 100 pounds and their lives are changed forever. It must be refreshing to lose that burden.
My lovely friend Angie got married at the courthouse this past weekend! She is planning a destination wedding in Mexico later this year. She went ahead and legally got married since the marriage in Mexico won't be recognized here. I'm so happy for her. I mean, it's weird too. Growing up. Not to mention I feel concerned for the rest of my friends who seem anxious for their turn. Should I not feel that way? I think it's a subconscious thing...nevertheless, I'm praying for Meagan who told me she doesn't even know what she wants in a man; she just expects every guy she dates to magically become Mr. Right. It's important to have expectations and really tell God about them because He listens.
Danish has no time for me. He works full-time, is in grad school, has band practice, and now he has signed up for an ultimate frisbee team. It makes me sad because the only time I see him is for about an hour right before we both pass out for the night. I say I need to learn how to cook, but I don't even have the opportunity to cook for him since he's never around. Speaking of which, I gave steak another chance. This time I marinated it in some herb mixture, wrapped it in aluminum foil, and tossed it in the oven to bake! The results were that it turned out with more of a brisket texture instead of steak, but it tasted pretty decent. I find it interesting how these meats just shrink in the oven...what am I doing wrong? They just shrink up; they're almost half the size of the original, uncooked meat.
Today I go to Denton to make another school ID and get my second TB test because I forgot to get mine read last week. Freaking waste. Because of this immunization delay, I can't participate in today's hospital orientation and must make up those hours in clinicals, which is fine. I figure I will need those extra hours anyway for the experience. Can you believe I'll be graduating this May? I'll be entering the work force and making money. It's very surreal to me. I know that all this "business" I'm having to deal with will make it that much more worth it in the end. I know that's why I have this burden, I know that it's given to me so I can just give it up to God, I know that it's all a test to show my faith, I know that this will all pass, I know I'll be a better person for it. I know! Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." That is nice.
My lovely friend Angie got married at the courthouse this past weekend! She is planning a destination wedding in Mexico later this year. She went ahead and legally got married since the marriage in Mexico won't be recognized here. I'm so happy for her. I mean, it's weird too. Growing up. Not to mention I feel concerned for the rest of my friends who seem anxious for their turn. Should I not feel that way? I think it's a subconscious thing...nevertheless, I'm praying for Meagan who told me she doesn't even know what she wants in a man; she just expects every guy she dates to magically become Mr. Right. It's important to have expectations and really tell God about them because He listens.
Danish has no time for me. He works full-time, is in grad school, has band practice, and now he has signed up for an ultimate frisbee team. It makes me sad because the only time I see him is for about an hour right before we both pass out for the night. I say I need to learn how to cook, but I don't even have the opportunity to cook for him since he's never around. Speaking of which, I gave steak another chance. This time I marinated it in some herb mixture, wrapped it in aluminum foil, and tossed it in the oven to bake! The results were that it turned out with more of a brisket texture instead of steak, but it tasted pretty decent. I find it interesting how these meats just shrink in the oven...what am I doing wrong? They just shrink up; they're almost half the size of the original, uncooked meat.
Today I go to Denton to make another school ID and get my second TB test because I forgot to get mine read last week. Freaking waste. Because of this immunization delay, I can't participate in today's hospital orientation and must make up those hours in clinicals, which is fine. I figure I will need those extra hours anyway for the experience. Can you believe I'll be graduating this May? I'll be entering the work force and making money. It's very surreal to me. I know that all this "business" I'm having to deal with will make it that much more worth it in the end. I know that's why I have this burden, I know that it's given to me so I can just give it up to God, I know that it's all a test to show my faith, I know that this will all pass, I know I'll be a better person for it. I know! Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." That is nice.
January 24, 2010
January 15, 2010
Just nod if you can hear me
I miss my family. I haven't been able to go home to see them lately and I think it's taking an emotional toll on me. I have also been ignoring God these past few weeks and that is taking a toll on my spiritual health. I feel rotten and expendable...guilty mostly. I know I can make a greater difference if I could just allow myself to be molded. I wish I could point the way to Christ but my life doesn't reflect anything admirable or even desirable. Perhaps my hot new husband...but it could just be that I got really lucky. Danish must feel very fulfilled that his job is to help people everyday. He's so much better than me in so many ways. I'm a shit stain compared to him. I want to change my habits and just be better...Apparently I'm experiencing something called the "Christian burden" which sounds virtuous and noble, but it's the worst kind of angst there is. Anyway, I will try to get some sleep and hope that tomorrow will be different in a good way. I know God is wise and His plans are unfathomable, and somehow I will have a little part in it which will fulfill my purpose here.
January 12, 2010
January 11, 2010
Blanket
I am sad to say that I possess no home-making skills whatsoever. It is true my mother does not know how to cook, but that can be explained because during our 10-year residence in Indonesia, we had maids who cooked for us. Therefore, I was never taught how to cook a single dish in my life aside from frying a couple of eggs or microwaving something. However, my mother takes good care of her home, making sure it is clean, dust-free, and comfortable to be in. Only until I came to live with Danish did I learn how to do laundry! In my defense, I keep a real clean apartment with decent decor - it's quite cozy here!
With that being said, I have a ridiculous story to share. Danish and I bought this expensive and incredibly soft comforter which has served us well in the last few months we have had it. I mentioned a few times my desire to give it a good wash so we could sleep in a clean, fresh blanket. Finally this past week I woke up and heaved the blanket off to the washing machine, poured a capful of detergent, closed the lid, and set it to "extra heavy." Not more than 5 minutes later, the washing machine began to shake violently and make such curious noises which could only mean something terrible has happened. Upon opening the washing machine, I saw to my horror fluffs of white blanket stuffing springing out of a giant tear from where the blanket had caught on the inside of the lid. I had destroyed our beloved blanket. Of course Danish couldn't believe it, either. He reprimanded me like father would a child as he proceeded to take the wet, torn blanket out of the washing machine and deposit it into a garbage bag.
At that moment neither of us had any brilliant ideas about what to do with the ruined blanket except to throw it away. After I had told my mother about the incident, she said I should have kept it and that she would have stitched it up and used it. I would never allow for my mom to use a second-rate blanket no matter how wonderful it was before the incident. But we did realize how wasteful it was of us to just do away with it; we could have donated it to the homeless shelter. So the next day I made Danish go dumpster diving! Yes, the man retrieved that blanket from the smelly dumpster and brought it in from the cold. Since it was discarded while still wet, the blanket had frozen! We left it in the garbage bag and set it in the living room to thaw.
Well, I came home today and opened up the bag, spread out the wet, seemingly dirty blanket covered in sad fluff, and quickly performed a shoddy stitch job to the tear. I forced it into the dryer, this time being mindful that it didn't catch on the inside of the door. It has been about two hours now and the reject blanket is still wet. Geez, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I'm fortunate to be with someone as patient as Danish who consoled me by saying the homeless would still appreciate it. As far as the cooking...I will get it someday, right? Those things take time, a trial and error deal. At least we live in a clean, cozy apartment...I just need to take extra precaution with things like laundry I suppose. Whatever.
With that being said, I have a ridiculous story to share. Danish and I bought this expensive and incredibly soft comforter which has served us well in the last few months we have had it. I mentioned a few times my desire to give it a good wash so we could sleep in a clean, fresh blanket. Finally this past week I woke up and heaved the blanket off to the washing machine, poured a capful of detergent, closed the lid, and set it to "extra heavy." Not more than 5 minutes later, the washing machine began to shake violently and make such curious noises which could only mean something terrible has happened. Upon opening the washing machine, I saw to my horror fluffs of white blanket stuffing springing out of a giant tear from where the blanket had caught on the inside of the lid. I had destroyed our beloved blanket. Of course Danish couldn't believe it, either. He reprimanded me like father would a child as he proceeded to take the wet, torn blanket out of the washing machine and deposit it into a garbage bag.
At that moment neither of us had any brilliant ideas about what to do with the ruined blanket except to throw it away. After I had told my mother about the incident, she said I should have kept it and that she would have stitched it up and used it. I would never allow for my mom to use a second-rate blanket no matter how wonderful it was before the incident. But we did realize how wasteful it was of us to just do away with it; we could have donated it to the homeless shelter. So the next day I made Danish go dumpster diving! Yes, the man retrieved that blanket from the smelly dumpster and brought it in from the cold. Since it was discarded while still wet, the blanket had frozen! We left it in the garbage bag and set it in the living room to thaw.
Well, I came home today and opened up the bag, spread out the wet, seemingly dirty blanket covered in sad fluff, and quickly performed a shoddy stitch job to the tear. I forced it into the dryer, this time being mindful that it didn't catch on the inside of the door. It has been about two hours now and the reject blanket is still wet. Geez, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I'm fortunate to be with someone as patient as Danish who consoled me by saying the homeless would still appreciate it. As far as the cooking...I will get it someday, right? Those things take time, a trial and error deal. At least we live in a clean, cozy apartment...I just need to take extra precaution with things like laundry I suppose. Whatever.
January 8, 2010
CPR
I'm still in bed, the apartment is all toasty, and Danish is coming home from work! I'm so spoiled. Today is my brother's 19th birthday and we're going to shop for some winter clothes before he goes back to Austin. Then spending some quality time with Danish as today is also our 5-year anniversary. I wonder if married people still celebrate how long they have been together along with their wedding anniversary. I guess later on it gets to a point where there are too many dates to remember so you just end up celebrating the wedding date. Well, we have two!
And now for some random thoughts and a few of the wedding pictures I actually liked: I need to learn how to cook! I love the antique-looking clock on the wall. God works in mysterious ways. It's cold out apparently. I miss Tank.
And now for some random thoughts and a few of the wedding pictures I actually liked: I need to learn how to cook! I love the antique-looking clock on the wall. God works in mysterious ways. It's cold out apparently. I miss Tank.
January 7, 2010
Speeding tickets and name changes
I finally changed my name today. Thank you cards...still in the works. I signed up for NCLEX tutorials next week - blah! I figure I really need the extra help since I failed my HESI exams last semester. I'm really glad for the support Danish gives me as he encouraged me to sign up even though it was a whopping $350 for the 4 sessions. I wish this winter break would never end.
So my parents are leaving the country to go back into the mission field this summer. My dad was forced to leave his job, but fortunately God's perfect timing brought two little angels from Korea to stay at my parents house for the next several months. Koreans are really adamant about their children learning English at a young age and believe exposing them to the language early on will increase their chances of fluency when they are older. Generally you have to be wealthy to send your little ones abroad. It really is a blessing because not only does it make up for my dad not working, but it has really livened up the house. I was concerned for my mom feeling lonely since I no longer live there, but these two girls have brought her so much joy! Their names are Sarina and Kate, second and fourth grade.
I see Meagan tonight and it seems she is no longer dating that guy from eHarmony. I told her in full detail about the type of guy I see her with, but where is he? It's not that I want to feel bad for her, but I see that she wants to be with someone. I mean, she blatantly told me how jealous she was that I got married. Jana on the other hand expresses no urgency in settling down; she's happy as a clam being single. She says God-willing she will be with someone, just that it isn't the time yet. That is a pretty sweet attitude.
In other terrible news, the wedding photographer stated that she is only going to edit 40 out of 2000 pictures with no prints. I'm not sure if she finally said she would print the 40 free of charge, but regardless I'm pretty disappointed.
So my parents are leaving the country to go back into the mission field this summer. My dad was forced to leave his job, but fortunately God's perfect timing brought two little angels from Korea to stay at my parents house for the next several months. Koreans are really adamant about their children learning English at a young age and believe exposing them to the language early on will increase their chances of fluency when they are older. Generally you have to be wealthy to send your little ones abroad. It really is a blessing because not only does it make up for my dad not working, but it has really livened up the house. I was concerned for my mom feeling lonely since I no longer live there, but these two girls have brought her so much joy! Their names are Sarina and Kate, second and fourth grade.
I see Meagan tonight and it seems she is no longer dating that guy from eHarmony. I told her in full detail about the type of guy I see her with, but where is he? It's not that I want to feel bad for her, but I see that she wants to be with someone. I mean, she blatantly told me how jealous she was that I got married. Jana on the other hand expresses no urgency in settling down; she's happy as a clam being single. She says God-willing she will be with someone, just that it isn't the time yet. That is a pretty sweet attitude.
In other terrible news, the wedding photographer stated that she is only going to edit 40 out of 2000 pictures with no prints. I'm not sure if she finally said she would print the 40 free of charge, but regardless I'm pretty disappointed.
January 4, 2010
Fromage
I realize what a leap of faith I have taken in marrying Danish. I love him so much and living with him has been unbelievably unique and fun. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I would've never imagined myself in this situation! I'm so present-oriented that I could never have pictured this in my wildest imagination. I find it incredibly weird since I have so much...angst. I thought angsty people were in a perpetual state of hope. But maybe I was wrong...maybe angsty people just wallow in their worries and dissatisfaction. Maybe angsty people are just complacent people - the worst kind of people. At any rate, I wanted to announce how interesting it's been...I wish I could go into more depth. I mean, the fights have gotten more colorful! Ha. I feel so safe. We live in this crap hole apartment and yet being with him at the end of the night makes me feel whole. Wow. Sounds like a tray of fromage. I've turned from a cynic into a sap - just like that. Don't worry, the shit doesn't end here; just give me a break...I think I'm in a honeymoon state or something.
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