Prayer

Tonight, I've been awakened to the profound meaning of prayer - praying, knowing God listens. I admit to praying while simultaneously doubting whether my words ever reach God, or if they are merely bouncing off the ceiling and walls. Not only so, but having prayers answered immediately seems so unlikely that I could see how one could believe it is but coincidence when circumstances change for the better. I hope you can agree with me that it would be ridiculous for man to serve a god who is much like a gumball machine, where you drop in a coin and get a gumball. Furthermore, how are we certain that we always know what is best for us? The last time I acted on what I thought was best for me, I landed in the slammer. With that being said, there is not one prayer God leaves unaddressed - the only thing is they are answered at the proper time.

Because I have no intentions of producing offspring just yet, I have no idea how disheartening it would be to be barren. A character in the Bible named Elizabeth was barren. In those days, a woman's value was largely measured by her ability to bear children; therefore, to be aging and without children often led to personal hardship and public shame. Nevertheless, even during this time, she and her husband Zechariah remained faithful and blameless (blameless does not mean sinless, but that they were free from willful sins - intentional sins). Zechariah, being a prist, was often experiencing God in ways that perhaps Elizabeth could not, possibly leaving her very lonely. One day, an angel appeared to Zechariah telling him Elizabeth will bear a child in her old age and they were to name the baby John, who will eventually become the messenger for Jesus. When Zechariah expressed disbelief, the angel responded with, "...it will come true at their proper time" (Luke 1:20). Sure enough, John came into the picture and paved the way for Jesus' arrival.

I relate to the heavy feeling of frustration and diappointment when things that seem to come easily to others doesn't come easily to me. For example, it seems unfair when a coke addict becomes pregnant then abandons her baby in an elevator, while a loving, nurturing woman finds herself barren. Or when a person who has been praying for very a long time to meet the right person sees their friend, who prayed all but 30 minutes, walk down the aisle. In my case, I struggle with the fact that I am still without a job. This is petty, but truth be told I've Facebook blocked everyone I've gone to nursing school with because I don't particularly want to see their status updates about their new jobs. I'm happy for them, but at the same time I get a sick feeling in my stomach.

However, the story of Elizabeth and Zechariah encourages me to remain faithful in prayer during this waiting period. I love that prayer is what characterizes my relationship with God. What separates us from God is but this natural world, a thin veil that will be lifted in the end. God answers in the proper time...when I get a job, it will be because He willed for it to occur at the exact time that will fulfill my purpose. And God never receives more glory than when we can say beyond question, "The Lord has done this for me."

Highrise

So this call job is a little difficult because of the fact that people do not like to give out company information, even if it's for research. It's understandable; I act the same way to telemarketers. Also, it doesn't feel very pleasant being hung up on mid-sentence. At any rate, I'm grateful for the opportunity to work part-time as I await contact from the hospitals I've applied to. My odds of working as a nurse at the moment are slim to none, but there is a possibility I may be able to work as a tech until my ATT arrives.

In other news, we are moving this weekend into my parent's house. They leave for Richmond, Virginia early Tuesday morning. Unbelievable.

My heart feels like it will explode with love

To make myself useful (and more importantly not a worthless dirtbag), I've picked up a part-time job helping out my friend Meredith. She works for a CPA company and my job will be to make a round of calls to various companies to ask what accounting software they use. It's a research call not a sales call, to my relief. I find this opportunity to be a God-send because apparently I've missed my jumping off point for my career as a nurse; the next graduate nurse internships won't be available until the fall. Not to worry, the Lord said to me. I am greatly enjoying this time off and Danish is more than capable of supporting the both of us while we wait for me to find a job. Even that I'm not worried about. I received this degree for a purpose, I'm certain it will be utilized...confidently for God's glory. It will be a gratifying moment when my ambition is realized.

In other news, Danish's co-worker gave birth to a little girl who is 6 weeks early. Hopefully her stay in the NICU will be short and sweet. This Saturday is Nicole and Jake's wedding, I'm so excited for them. And finally, Sunday is the last 4th of July we'll spend as a family before my parents take off for the mission field!

A great quote I found which may or may not relate to this post: Life isn't about being a "productive member of society" – it's about love, relationships, and community. I couldn't agree more.

Señor Feo

Lately, I've been having so much time on my hands. Yet, it still hasn't prompted me to write more, oh well. I finally finished writing my resume (all one page of it) and am having a few folks proof-read it for me. Next up, cover letter then applying for a job. I have to admit I'm terrified as I've never had a real job before. I mean tutoring is a job, but it hasn't always felt legit or anything.

Today is my mom's birthday! I'm taking the family out to an early dinner at Brio, which has a food happy hour between 4-7pm and the food is sooo good and only $2.95 per plate. We're also combining her birthday with the celebration of Father's Day, which I spent with the in-laws. This will be yet another great opportunity to spend time with my parents before they leave and I'm very much looking forward to it. Next shindig, 4th of July cookout!

Danish has been bombarded with tragic events at work involving the residents at the homeless shelter, and it's taken more of a toll on him than usual. He would try to tell me what it's been like recently, but I can sense how difficult it is for him to relay his emotions as he had experienced them when the events occurred. I feel horrible for the people who are less fortunate than we are - we don't have much, but it's so much compared to them and I am compelled to be utterly thankful to God everyday. This also brings me to acknowledge the hard work Danish puts forth everyday to help others as well as support us. I think I need to try harder to remember that even when it's gets lonely and I feel neglected. I couldn't do his job nor meet the expectations of a man; girls have it easier in life, I think...at least I do compared to others. Most of my problems are a result of my own actions/inactions and originate from my head rather than outside circumstances.

Speaking of heads, I finally got a haircut! It's been 6 months. My new hair dresser isn't as talented as Rachel, but I can't complain too much since it only costed me $25. However, I did do something stupid once I came home. I looked in the mirror and thought my bangs looked uneven, so I CUT it! They weren't uneven. "It'll grow!" my sister consoled. Yes, it'll grow...unevenly.

Things & such

My mind is going a mile a minute! But congratulations to my wonderful husband on getting hired for his job today! I love you and I hope we make it after all.