Smile like you mean it

Lately I've been at a loss for words. I type and delete. Then give up altogether. This barrage of inappropriate thoughts and emotions has rendered me futile in self-expression. It's like a fever; the temperature runs too high for normal body function. Yes, the wedding is next weekend. Regrettably, that is only the tip of the iceberg. I won't go into anymore detail for fear of boring you, but I've determined that my angst stems from my lack of healthy coping skills. Instead of turning to prayer and meditation (which I am aware would do me great benefit), I have been drinking much more excessively than usual. I lose a lot of respect in the process. For a while, I felt that perhaps I was getting cold feet of some nature. Although I'm already married, it hasn't quite felt official since my parents have insisted I stay home as much as possible until the wedding. I mean, I haven't even been able to share a bed with my own husband. Then the thought of going through the ritualistic torture called a wedding, leaving my dear parents and the house I grew up in, and moving in with a person whom I sometimes perceive as my greatest enemy...it's too much! Sure, such is life blah blah. Let me remind you I have the mental and emotional capacity of a 6-year-old. I live in my own little world of stability and disaster, an anomaly I can't even explain. So what am I facing here - is it a change towards stability or towards disaster? While I have been brooding over these uninteresting matters, I apparently 'forgot' to study for my practic HESI exams, thus failing them. Not to worry, they didn't count against me or anything. I'm utterly exasperated by my own feeble-mindedness. Get a freaking grip, right?

In spite of ordinary dreams

@hipsterrunoff

This past year I discovered this blog through browsing other [music blogs]. I listed it as a [note-worthy] blog primaily because I found the internet/music/mainstream jargon very hilarious. It's very difficult to understand sometimes, but the content nonetheless drew several chuckles out of me. The author, Carles, remains anonymous and does a really good job at it, even through an interview held [via AIM]. I learned a lot about current 'it' bands and other 'indie/relevant/buzzworthy' on-goings. The blog is very engaging to its readers [via 'thought-provoking' questions] written in closing to each post. To my dismay, it appears Carles has 'retired' and there are some new [boring] writers for Hipster Runoff. NOTE: I've imitated a few of Carles' typing styles (aberrant uses of ''s, //s, and []s). Anyway, maybe it's a hoax and Carles will be back. If not, that's too bad. ///moving on.

Off with your head

I'm going to make for a crappy nurse. It's so hard for me to sit down and study this stuff; therefore, I must be indifferent to the care of a critically ill patient. What do I care about? On a random note, I was driving in the rain the other night and noticed the reflection of the traffic light on the wet streets. The rain drops bouncing off the road made it look all sparkly. I thought to myself, so this was what Karen O must have seen one rainy night to write those lyrics in the song "Heads Will Roll." It really did look like glitter on the wet streets. And silver over everything. I'm not sure what the actual song is about, but it's really hyper and dancey. Maybe seeing the rain on the street when she was out one night with Brian and Nick made her feel jittery and pumped about life. Sometimes I get that way. I like her. If I knew her in real life, we probably wouldn't be friends. Or maybe we'd be best friends.

Still cold and smokey

I posted a short story that was under 140 characters in Donald Miller's blog. Haha, what a brilliant idea. Here is the actual piece.

Smoke detector

I just set it off when I turned on the heat - I am freezing my tush in the apartment! Now it smells of smoke and my head hurts from the piercing alarm which I managed to finally shut off after a frantic effort. It appears wedding plans are wrapping up. The big day is only two weeks away! However, in those two weeks leading up to it, I have five exams left. FIVE. I have to be thankful, though; I've made it this far, with grace, meaning I can end strong. Meaning I should probably go study now.

The pains of being pure at heart

What a great band name. They also play great music. I managed to barely pass today's exam after agonizingly going over the notes the night before with a hangover that left me with no recollection of how I got home Saturday night. Way to go, me. On the bright side, the bridal shower was incredible. My very dear friend Miranda insisted on hosting one at her house, and I was most grateful. I felt so lucky to be amongst my closest friends who so genuinely celebrated my getting married. Pictures will ensue.

Another good friend of mine, Meagan, left for the Phillipines today to manage a company branch that has been outsourced. For several months she mulled over whether or not she was willing to put herself in a completely different world outside of "home." I told her it was a good idea; it was always good to have some culture. Her main concern revolved around the conveniences that she believed would not be at her disposal (such as food, hygiene products, and television). I smiled to myself when she expressed her sore disdain for the third world country. But I can understand exactly where she's coming from (television and all!), which is the sad part. I just think it's unfortunate that we get so caught up in our little bubble with our comforts, conveniences, and safety nets. That is so human of us! It was a lesson for myself seeing as I'm the greatest culprit of them all...I sound my trumpet of Jesus and His saving grace, yet I'm too much of a weenie to step out of my bubble and live like Jesus did. I'm interested in God's plan for Meagan. I know God has a hold on her and I'm curious to see how she will react - I'm praying it will be a step towards finding Him! I know God puts us in uncomfortable places sometimes to open our eyes to new experiences which mature us.

I want to mature.