And I'll gamble away my fright

I have a busy week ahead of me, mostly tedious work such as returning several pairs of shoes I purchased online, starting on thank-you cards, and packing up the remainder of my belongings from my parents' house. I am beyond relieved for so much being over and done with already! This is certainly a new chapter of my life, and I hope and pray I will be different and happier. Staying busy will definitely steer me away from self-deprecation, apathy, etc. I am the only one responsible for keeping my sanity and composure by the end of next year.

Wedding

Smile like you mean it

Lately I've been at a loss for words. I type and delete. Then give up altogether. This barrage of inappropriate thoughts and emotions has rendered me futile in self-expression. It's like a fever; the temperature runs too high for normal body function. Yes, the wedding is next weekend. Regrettably, that is only the tip of the iceberg. I won't go into anymore detail for fear of boring you, but I've determined that my angst stems from my lack of healthy coping skills. Instead of turning to prayer and meditation (which I am aware would do me great benefit), I have been drinking much more excessively than usual. I lose a lot of respect in the process. For a while, I felt that perhaps I was getting cold feet of some nature. Although I'm already married, it hasn't quite felt official since my parents have insisted I stay home as much as possible until the wedding. I mean, I haven't even been able to share a bed with my own husband. Then the thought of going through the ritualistic torture called a wedding, leaving my dear parents and the house I grew up in, and moving in with a person whom I sometimes perceive as my greatest enemy...it's too much! Sure, such is life blah blah. Let me remind you I have the mental and emotional capacity of a 6-year-old. I live in my own little world of stability and disaster, an anomaly I can't even explain. So what am I facing here - is it a change towards stability or towards disaster? While I have been brooding over these uninteresting matters, I apparently 'forgot' to study for my practic HESI exams, thus failing them. Not to worry, they didn't count against me or anything. I'm utterly exasperated by my own feeble-mindedness. Get a freaking grip, right?

In spite of ordinary dreams

@hipsterrunoff

This past year I discovered this blog through browsing other [music blogs]. I listed it as a [note-worthy] blog primaily because I found the internet/music/mainstream jargon very hilarious. It's very difficult to understand sometimes, but the content nonetheless drew several chuckles out of me. The author, Carles, remains anonymous and does a really good job at it, even through an interview held [via AIM]. I learned a lot about current 'it' bands and other 'indie/relevant/buzzworthy' on-goings. The blog is very engaging to its readers [via 'thought-provoking' questions] written in closing to each post. To my dismay, it appears Carles has 'retired' and there are some new [boring] writers for Hipster Runoff. NOTE: I've imitated a few of Carles' typing styles (aberrant uses of ''s, //s, and []s). Anyway, maybe it's a hoax and Carles will be back. If not, that's too bad. ///moving on.

Off with your head

I'm going to make for a crappy nurse. It's so hard for me to sit down and study this stuff; therefore, I must be indifferent to the care of a critically ill patient. What do I care about? On a random note, I was driving in the rain the other night and noticed the reflection of the traffic light on the wet streets. The rain drops bouncing off the road made it look all sparkly. I thought to myself, so this was what Karen O must have seen one rainy night to write those lyrics in the song "Heads Will Roll." It really did look like glitter on the wet streets. And silver over everything. I'm not sure what the actual song is about, but it's really hyper and dancey. Maybe seeing the rain on the street when she was out one night with Brian and Nick made her feel jittery and pumped about life. Sometimes I get that way. I like her. If I knew her in real life, we probably wouldn't be friends. Or maybe we'd be best friends.

Still cold and smokey

I posted a short story that was under 140 characters in Donald Miller's blog. Haha, what a brilliant idea. Here is the actual piece.