A million miles

It saddens me to know that if it wasn't for the wonderful child, we wouldn't be together.

Happy New Year

First time in 7 years to face it alone. I wish with all my heart that he would change his mind about divorcing me. I love him so much it hurts.

Hannah

This is how I know you don't love her: you are willing to take away her security and sense of well being for the sake of your own needs. How is that sacrificial love? Your love for her is like that of an affectionate pet-owner who is having fun playing with their cute puppy! You don't consider that one say she will grow into a young adult like ourselves and instead of laying a foundation of values as a Christian, you will teach her to disregard advice, not believe in the power of prayer and change, and give up immediately at the event of a crisis. Your intentions of being a good father stem from your need to validate your own worth and ability, not to season her perspective with insight and wisdom. As adults and parents, we are to set aside our needs to give something more to our children. Children learn from example, and I wanted for us to teach Hannah love and forgiveness. That is why the Bible says children are a blessing, because in loving them unconditionally we better understand God's agape love for humanity.

Scared

I am scared of what is in store for me. I no longer have a husband and my baby will be divided between two houses. Although I wanted to give her a happy family, her father decided to do things his way which doesn't have her best interest - only his. His parents do not uphold morals nor believe In marriage as they support him fully in his decision. When asked how he would teach our daughter about love and forgiveness, he said he will just teach her not to cause her husband to leave her by being a violent drunk who is self-absorbed. We have no control over what kind of person she will be, what decisions she will make, who she will choose to be with. We can only instill strong values and morals within her and set an example of stability and security as her foundation. How much easier would it be had she not been born...instead she was in such a hurry to come into this cold, dark world. But she is bright sun, full of hope...how much love she stirs in me. I wish I had my husband. I wish I had my family. I'm so scared to be without either.

Someday somehow, this will all make sense...why I had to go through the fire. I believe the Lord is good and His plans for me are good and not harmful. I won't be able to enjoy what He has in store for me in the next chapter of my life unless I endured the gruesome hardships in this one. I love my husband and have done everything I can to bring him back home, but the Lord has a different idea. I fully trust Him to know what's best for me and Hannah, and I will remain faithful and hopeful.

The End

He's never coming back. He's made up his mind. The divorce will be final in just 61 short days. How quick and easy it is to snuff out the flame of "till death do us part." Old Betsy here is being led to the slaughter house.