You

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

- C. S. Lewis

Lacey granny panties

I hope I can make this right again. I hope I can rise above the pain. I hope I don't burn out. Stumble. Fade.

After tonight, I am convinced he is not replaceable. Although I would be okay if he left me, I could never find another to take his place. There is no one like him...I could search heaven and earth and not find a person like him. I must cherish him as though my life depended on it. I dare not lose him again.

I am replaceable. He does not have to look far. I'm common and everyday. Just a girl. If he wanted, he could find someone like me or better.

I question how we can get through this with both our self esteems virtually zero...surely we could not hold one another up when we are weak with defeat and riddled with welts of past wrong doings.

The Lord is our strength, and I'm willing to make the extra effort even as I hurt. I have to believe that for now the worst part is over and we are striving for joyous reconciliation.

Good Morning, Hypocrite

Seems like the roads stretch out like veins, but there's no heart.
Nature's haircut is concrete now, and we played our part.
So we sing...

I've lost my taste for modern things. They're not for me.
I want mundane: a quiet place, where time is free,
And I can sing...

Climbed from my bed, to collect the thoughts that'd fallen from my head,
And you watched me sink, through the carpet, through the basement, and beyond.
And you didn't blink.

On the glass, I traced the sun with my thumb. It sank into the ground.
And then the stars were blinking, like kids who were staring into the wind.
So I climbed through the window and walked until I lost my name.
Now I can play the victim. It's fine. I've seen it on TV.
But if there's one thing I know, it's that I never really know enough.

Our heads, our hands, our brains, our lungs: they're just machines.
These hearts are all that we've got left, and they don't beat.

Live a little, talk a lot; it's the way this goes.
I've come to fear the little knives beneath their well-pressed clothes.
Their arms are reaching; reach is spreading through the neon glow.
Their mouths are moving, but their voices sound like telephones.
The traffic hums; the traffic grumbles near my old window.
The street lights flicker; glow and hover like suspended snow.
I used to watch the moon retreat and wonder where it goes.
Now I just wonder why my head is overrun with ghosts.

"When they sin against you - for there is no one who does not sin - and you become angry with them and give them over to their enemies, who take them captive to their own lands, far away or near; and if they have a change of heart in the land where they are held captive, and repent and plead with you in the land of their captors and say, 'We have sinned, we have done wrong, we have acted wickedly'; and if they turn back to you with all their heart and soul in the land of their enemies who took them captive, and pray to you toward the land you gave their ancestors, toward the city you have chosen and the temple I have built for your Name; then from heaven, your dwelling place, hear their prayer and their plea, and uphold their cause. And forgive your people, who have sinned against you; forgive all the offenses they have committed against you, and cause their captors to show them mercy; for they are your people and your inheritance, whom you brought out of Egypt, out of that iron-smelting furnace. (1 Kings 8:46-51 NIV)

Prayer for my heart

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from my cries of anguish?
Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.
I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted within me.
But you, Lord, do not be far from me.
You are my strength; come quickly to help me.
For he has not despised or scorned
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
but has listened to his cry for help.
From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly;
before those who fear you I will fulfill my vows.
Posterity will serve him;
future generations will be told about the Lord.
They will proclaim his righteousness,
declaring to a people yet unborn:
He has done it! (Psalm 22:1, 11, 14, 19, 24, 25, 30, 31 NIV)

Ashes and Wine

Don't know what to do anymore
I've lost the only love worth fighting for
I'll drown in my tear storming sea,
That would show you, that would make you hurt like me

All the same
I don't want mudslinging games
It's such a shame
To let you walk away

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?

Don't know if our fate's already sealed
This day's spinning circus on a wheel
I'm ill with the thought of your kiss
Coffee laced intoxicating on her lips

Shut it out
I've got no claim on you now
Not allowed to wear your freedom down

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?

I'll tear myself away
That is what you need
There is nothing left to say
But...

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?
The day's still ashes and wine
Or are we ashes?