Proverbs 1:7

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge,
       but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

I wish I could learn my lessons quickly and not have to deal with the consequences at a much later time. It appears to be a repeating behavior. My lack of impulse control paired with blatant disregard for those around me has time and again placed me in the lowest of positions, a grave if you will. It is disgusting the kind of prayers I whisper to God when I face my rude awakenings: Please, Lord, if You can just get me out of this one I promise I will be a changed person...Then of course when things don't pan out the way I had hoped, I view God disdainfully, believing Him to be a just yet unmerciful God who ensures that I pay for my sins to the fullest extent. I am utterly horrified with my own actions, my uncanny ability to scorn God when I have to 'pay' for my mistakes and my astonishing blindness to His glory and blessings. Even I know the likes of me are considered foolish. In all seriousness, I am desperate for a change in my character. At this time, absolutely nothing else holds greater bearing.