Freak

I am a freak. I seem to have frequent bouts of amnesia and completely forget all the effort Danish puts toward our marriage - mainly the love language he speaks to me. How wonderful would it be if my brain had selective amnesia and I could forget the details of the affair. To be honest, I'm not sure why I'm more pissed at fucking bitch Tressie than I am with Danish. It would be easier if I were upset with Danish since he is doing everything he can to alleviate and remedy the situation. He is just trying to live his life! She is just trying to live her life! Everyone has moved on...why can't I? This has been a traumatizing ordeal and my confidence has been violently shaken...I don't know if I can recover from this. I've asked to be bombarded with affection but it's impossible for him to do - for anyone to do. I just don't feel loved enough! I will always believe he cared about her more than he cares about me. It's selfish of me to ask more of him as he is giving all that he can. I know he is giving all that he can and he is doing so well...but I wonder if he's sincere and if he's holding back or not. I unfortunately cannot read his mind and apparently he is not a man of words (although for her there were plenty). I am an idiot, a freak. I hate myself with a passion.