Fade into you

I think it's glamorous to have marital problems. It's quite wonderful experiencing this crippling anguish and depression. It means something extraordinary when I doubt both my own love for my husband as well as his love for me. These endless arguments and abusive language just make me feel so alive! Not to mention the unbearably loud silences help me to reflect on the deep and enthralling aspects of this marriage. There is just something so deliciously tragic about leaving the house with a smile on my face while inside my heart is broken. I love drama! It adds such excitement to my boring life. Nothing beats the disappointment of being let down after indulging in the short-term illusion of believing that someone else can make you happy. Happiness is overrated. When things are good, I remind myself that it's only temporary. Everything good in this marriage is a result of a sacrifice, and everyone knows making sacrifices is dumb. If not sacrifices, it's trading one thing for another for pure gain; a cute little game that involves manipulation - how provocative! I find great satisfaction in the erratic and formidable nature of this marriage which is the bane of my existence.