Sometimes when I'm feeling more worthless than usual, I sit and ponder upon what exactly makes a man cheat on his young wife. Then I am forced to think of the temptations I myself have faced in times if weakness, and how I have tragically succumbed to what was bad for me. In our moment of weakness and desperation, what's clearly wrong doesn't feel wrong. In fact it feels right and good. It feels carnal and satisfying. It meets a need, fills a void that sat empty for so long. Desperation drives us to pine for instant gratification at the cost of wounding those we love. The heart is not to be trusted...it deceives us into believing our actions are justifiable. I have been there, I'm no saint. We crave newness, excitement, energy. We are drawn to whatever or whomever incites those feelings within us while being empowered by a sudden surge of attention, affection, and admiration. I was foolish to lose self-control and allow myself to indulge in such gross misconduct. Not only have I sinned against the one I love and to God, but I've sinned against my own body. I am utterly ashamed to have strayed so far...I am deeply humbled and thankful for grace and forgiveness. That sin has been far removed from me - I no longer associate with what caused me to stumble. I no longer have a desire for selfish gains and immediate gratification in my moment of weakness and desperation. Instead I turn towards hope, I seek deliverance from my state of despair and earnestly pray for moral integrity. What caused me to stumble I have vehemently cast away. I am disgusted with it, I abhor it. I have been displaced from it and I never want to be near it again, and for that I am blessed.

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. (Matthew 5:27-30 NIV)