The "Root"

The "Root" refers to the way I tie my hair when I'm at home or wanting to be comfortable - it's pulled away from my face so that the pony tail is not just in the back of my head, but acutally sitting on top so that the hair splays out like a fountain or what Daniel calls a root. He says it is as if I can be pulled out of the ground by the pony tail like a carrot or some other root vegetable. To be honest, it's not an attractive look, but what do I care since I'm usually home or hanging out with him. But out of a barrage of insults from Daniel last night, one happened to poke at the unkempt look I sported when we went grocery shopping. "Let your hair down," he said. "I can't, it'll leave a crease," I replied. "Well at least redo it so it doesn't look so crazy." "Why? You think I'm ugly?" To which he said, "No, but I don't want anyone else to." On the car ride home, he made it a point to let me know I wasn't as smart as someone we go to church with. And he said he didn't trust my cooking. I clammed up throughout dinner and went home early and had to choke on my frustration when he neither called or texted me on my car ride home. We didn't even pray together for my first day of school.

I'm not that upset and it's really not a fight. Just irritating/insensitive things he does sometimes. I'm sure I do plenty of annoying things to him, too. I know there are things I just have to let slide when in a relationship, but once in a while I get this crazy notion that if I let him slide with one thing, then he will try to get away with another thing, and pretty soon take complete advantage of me. Of course that is just silly and untrue. The man is not out to get me, to poke and prod until he finds a loophole. But I get worried sometimes. I've gotten a lot better...it's the controlling, insecure side of me that destroys life and the world. And I'm going to throw in that it's pretty egotistical to believe that someone has to be sweet to me at all times when I'm not always so pleasant myself. Yeah, I'm a terrible person.

So I've made a resolution of some sorts - I'm going to stay sober all semester long! I'll have a beer here and there, but nothing to get me drunk. I think it's possible not to mention I may gain some respect from people, i.e. Daniel. To my dismay, Daniel wasn't as excited as I was. "You can't set a goal for an entire semester," he said with considerable airs, "You have to set short-term goals, such as 'I will try to stay sober for one week.'" Exasperated, I said, "I don't have a drinking problem. Quit talking to me like I should be in AA." Sometimes I wonder if I do have a drinking problem, and he happens to be the "Root" of it! Grr.