Do you understand?

"I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone...they will be forced to deal with pain."

- James Arthur Baldwin

I don't want to remember how much you hurt me...so instead I dwell on how much I hate her. Strangely, I am burdened with a sinister feeling that the more I hate her, the happier she seems to fare. How is it that my love for you turns me into a monster?

It's going to take me some time...