Good morning! Last night one of my patients coded and died! One moment he was alive and asking for a remote control, the next moment he was unresponsive - we did everything but he didn't make it. It really made me think about how short this life is and how everything we do counts for something eternally. I've forgiven you and will continue to forgive you for what you've done to me. It's time to give myself a relief from this darkness and be happy. I hope you also find joy in this life one day. Good luck with everything, Danish. I loved you with every fiber of my being but I now realize that the person I fell in love with is not here anymore and the person who replaced him is someone I have nothing in common with. I've reached out passionately for 4 and a half months but there is no connection because you're not him, you're someone completely different. There is not a spark in this person and it's futile to work towards creating a fire. I still don't understand why God had to take him away, but I know He is infinitely wise and compassionate and there is something wonderful for me in the future. This is my emotional closure from this relationship. He was the love of my life, my soul mate...I know it wasn't just what I did to cause him to disappear, for some reason God took him away from me. Although I wish I could have him back, it's not in His plan for me and I will always love him and will miss him greatly. My mind has nothing but wonderful memories of him and it will remain that way till I die. I will tell Hannah how wonderful her Daddy WAS without letting her know what happened to him. I will make sure she knows what kind of man her Daddy WAS so she will grow up confident knowing she is the child of someone worth admiring. God works in mysterious ways and the only way I can have peace about this is to let Him work in my life without me dying trying to comprehend. I must learn to accept that my finite mind cannot wrap around His infinite wisdom. I don't know or understand and am unbelievably sad that this is over, but God knows what's in store for the rest of my life - romantic life included - and that's good enough for me. Maybe I will meet his soul again in another vessel, that would be marvelous!
Danish's muse,
Grace
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