June 19, 2012

Titty bang

"We are like roses that have never bothered to bloom when we should have bloomed and it is as if the sun has become disgusted with waiting"
— Charles Bukowski

June 14, 2012

Pathetic

Why do I insist on hurting?

June 13, 2012

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same

June 12, 2012

June 3, 2012

Birthday

Last year on my birthday, Hannah was still in the NICU and my marriage was apparently a sham. This year on my birthday, Hannah is a big strong girl with a beautiful smile, but my marriage is still a big fuckfest sham. Hannah is a gift and I wish I had more to offer her than my sad, pitiful self.

May 30, 2012

Blistered but dressed

When I think rationally, I can recognize that the affair was only a symptom of your unloving. Tressie wasn't so wonderful that you fell in love with her - you just misplaced your heart because I didn't provide a safe place for you to keep it.

Lord God Almighty, please help me to remove the clutter of insecurities within me so I can make room for my dear husband's heart.

May 27, 2012

A Celebration of Self-Delusion

"That’s the thing. Catharsis will make you feel good, but it’s an emotional hamster wheel. The emotion which led you to catharsis will still be there afterward, and if it made you feel good, you’ll seek it out again in the future.

Video games, horror movies, romance novels - all fun, but no psychologist would prescribe these outlets as a cure for anger or fear or loneliness.

Flailing in a mosh pit or screaming along to death metal doesn’t release your demons, it prolongs your angst.

Smashing plates or kicking doors after a fight with a roommate, spouse or lover doesn’t redirect your fury, it perpetuates your rancor.

If you spank your children while infuriated, remember you are reinforcing something inside yourself.

Common sense says venting is an important way to ease tension, but common sense is wrong. Venting - catharsis - is pouring fuel into a fire."

- You Are Not So Smart