Pathetic

Why do I insist on hurting?

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same

T-Rex

Birthday

Last year on my birthday, Hannah was still in the NICU and my marriage was apparently a sham. This year on my birthday, Hannah is a big strong girl with a beautiful smile, but my marriage is still a big fuckfest sham. Hannah is a gift and I wish I had more to offer her than my sad, pitiful self.

Blistered but dressed

When I think rationally, I can recognize that the affair was only a symptom of your unloving. Tressie wasn't so wonderful that you fell in love with her - you just misplaced your heart because I didn't provide a safe place for you to keep it.

Lord God Almighty, please help me to remove the clutter of insecurities within me so I can make room for my dear husband's heart.

A Celebration of Self-Delusion

"That’s the thing. Catharsis will make you feel good, but it’s an emotional hamster wheel. The emotion which led you to catharsis will still be there afterward, and if it made you feel good, you’ll seek it out again in the future.

Video games, horror movies, romance novels - all fun, but no psychologist would prescribe these outlets as a cure for anger or fear or loneliness.

Flailing in a mosh pit or screaming along to death metal doesn’t release your demons, it prolongs your angst.

Smashing plates or kicking doors after a fight with a roommate, spouse or lover doesn’t redirect your fury, it perpetuates your rancor.

If you spank your children while infuriated, remember you are reinforcing something inside yourself.

Common sense says venting is an important way to ease tension, but common sense is wrong. Venting - catharsis - is pouring fuel into a fire."

- You Are Not So Smart

The World Has Turned And Left Me Here

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place an empty space
has filled the void behind my face

I just made love with your sweet memory
One thousand times in my head
You said you loved it more than ever
You said
You remain, turned away
Turning further every day

I talked for hours to your wallet photograph
And you just listened
You laughed enchanted by my intellect
Or maybe you didn't
You remain, turned away
Turning further every day

Do you believe what I sing now?

One of my favorite songs...ever. Exactly how I felt when you weren't here.